Friday, August 16, 2013

The Best Me Ever

One of the things that authors have to do is to put their face out there.  It goes on your website, on your facebook page, on your twitter account, on your blog, sometimes in the newspaper, and even on the back of your book or the inside of your book.  In other words, it is in so many places that if you don't love your headshot you can get depressed about your looks pretty fast.

I don't know about you, but I have always had things about my body I don't like.  As I've gotten older, I've accepted a lot of things about my looks, my wrinkles, the little bits of grey in my hair and of course my girth.  So, when I went to the photographers to get a new headshot I had to decide if I wanted to be me or someone else.  I wanted to be me, but the very best me possible.  I think the photographers did that in this, one of my favorites of the pictures they took. In the larger version you can still see a few wrinkles, the sprinkling of grey, the fold in the neck but they did smooth my skin tones.

Some women--even those who are thin and beautiful--look in the mirror and see fat and ugly.  I'm the opposite. I'm heavy and have all the things that come along with aging, but when I look in the mirror I see a younger, thinner, prettier person.  Most of the time I still see that 28 year old who is inside me. Why 28? I have no idea. I think because it was a time when I was in good shape and felt the most physically confident--not psychologically confident but physically.

When I try to describe this phenomenon to people, some say I'm simply in denial. Others don't believe me. I'm not in denial, if I look hard I see the "real" physical me. But I don't spend a lot of time in front of the mirror, fussing. And I don't bother with looking at every detail that is not perfect. I've never been perfect. So, I really do see the person inside me manifested on the outside with only slight changes.  Weird?

The only time it's a real problem is when I go shopping and pick out a cute size 12 outfit. I get to the dressing room and I'm temporarily shocked I don't fit into it. (Now that's not really true. I know better than that. But I do have a problem picking out sizes that are too small).  The other time I'm pulled back to reality is if I get on a scale (try not to do that much) or when I'm walking beside people who are actually 28 and fit and beautiful. Of course, to me they look they are in high school. It's all relative. :)

Do you have an age you think of for yourself on the inside? If so, what age is it?  If you are a young person, how do you feel about body? Are you comfortable with it, no matter what size you are?


jamie said...

Your new headshots are fabulous!

Danita said...

I felt 26 for years beyond that actual age. Now I feel like I'm somewhere in my 30s.

My grandma, who is 92, has a take on that. She feels 36 inside, and says that was the age when she had her life all together. Maybe it was when she felt like a full-fledged adult.